Friday, February 27, 2009

Letter to Suzye

Dear Suzye,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I tripped on peanut butter in your closet and I saw you pull the clothes off the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and our relationship is ruined

Go milk a cow,
Randall

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Is it summer yet?

These last few days have served to remind me that I am indeed a resident of Olympia, as the rain has come and surely will persist through May. I'm not sure exactly why Oly has the worst weather on the sound. Maybe it's the geography, or the water, the low pressure mixing with the high, or maybe it's simply the attitude of inhabitants that brings about monsoons and all around gloominess 24/7. On Monday I did not see the sun until 5:46 pm, aint that some shit? (Kale don't comment, I know you have it worse but just let me have this one)

Melencholy thoughts all around on this wednesday morning for some reason. It could be that all my friends have left me, or will leave me, for in a couple three weeks my only company will likely be pickles, and sometimes I think the only reason she hangs around is due to the fact I provide her food.

There are times when I see redeeming qualities in the populace and I think, shit, humanity may make it after all. But most of the time I'm sure we're fucked. An example occured today in the post office. I got into my backpack to get out the piece of mail I was sending when I heard someone talking about me from behind. I had my headphones in my ears, but was not listening to music, so they must have assumed I could'nt hear them. Anyway they said something about me not being in line (I moved over about a foot to lean by backpack on a counter so I could retrieve my parcel). I turned toward them and obviosly caught them off guard and asked if they would like to go in front of me (being genuine). And the ladies formed like Voltron into a super-mega bitch, talking mad shit about how I was cutting in line. Keep in mind that she clearly showed up after me. Some guy behind them in line was like "what's with the argument" to which I replied "I don't know." I turned and ignored the beastly bitches, my heart pumping, and waited to mail my letter. I thought people were supposed to be nice to one another in generall, especially in such a depressing place as the post office. I mean, it's like being a POW with someone, Isn't there supposed to be some basic form of congeniality between people? I guess not.

Anyway, today is my day off from work which means, as usuall, that I am called in to cover someone elses shift (which I was earlier, like clockwork). But at least I had a legitamate excuse; I am meeting with someone my professor recommended to help me with my writing. I hope this person can help me, as I would love to be a better writer, but having never met this person there remains some doubt in my mind. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that writing would be the career best suited for me. Maybe I need to have a succession of adventures and write about it like Kerouac, or seclude myself in a small cabin in the woods like Thoreau, or maybe just drink like a fish and fail to hold down any real job like Bukowski. At any rate, I think a day at the office comprised of writing in front of a screen suits my dispositoin just fine.

After the meeting it's homework time, followed by the food bank with SQ, (ain't being poor grand?) followed by petco to get mealworms for Zuke, then homework, homework, and more homework.

Is it summer yet?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

WTF people?

So I show up to the library and am confronted with a choice, sit next to the bums (which I have already posted on) and the WOW players, or sit at these little study cubicle things. I choose the latter. But each one has something on it, some books, a magazine, a pencil carrier, etc. There are like four or five of these each with something on them, no one there. So I move a book and sit down. I sit here for about 40 minutes puttering around the internet and so on, when some girl hovers in front of me, staring me down. I take off my headphones and look at her as she grabs her stuff. I apologize and she continues to stare at me with her snaggle-tooth. I finally, after an awkward time ask if she would like the spot, and she says that "It is hers". I close my laptop and start to put it away when she sits down at the same cubicle as me, (on the opposite side of the partition, facing me) and goes about her business. Ok, first of all WTF!? Does anyone really own anything in a Fucking library? Even if you left something in the library you did own it would likely be stolen by bums in that 40 minute time frame anyway! And secondly, how did you not notice that there was an empty spot litterally inches from your snaggle-face? Bitch really got my goat.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A hair-trigger double-barreled Shit machine gun... of children?

Only have time to write a short post before going to work. I spent too much time reading everyone's blogs that I have hardly any time for my own. I started teaching swim lessons again, a decision I'm sure to regret given adequate time. The first class I teach is for two brothers that are home-schooled. It is a bit of an awkward situation in that the younger brother is far more coordinated and athletic than the older brother, so I have to be conscious not to make anything a competition. The next class is a private lesson with one kid who I'm sure I have no idea how he has even survived in this world this long. He it TERRIFIED of water, hates to even be in the stuff. His parents must caudal him far too much for someone his age. I saw him take his first lesson with another instructor, Jason, and he was literally screaming the whole time. I am the third in the line of instructors he has been passed down to. He seems to be doing better now though, now the trick will be to get him to be able to actually make some amount of forward progress in the water. The third and final class is as Leyhe would put it, "A shit-clone" or a "hair trigger double barreled shit machine gun". It is a class of eight, half of which are classically trained hooligans. Keeping them in line for 45 minutes is like controlling Normandy on D-day. I should just go on strike until they offer me anything but peanuts, but hey, such is the life while working for a non-profit I guess.

laters

Monday, February 16, 2009

I think the Presidents would have liked the library to remain open

I sit here utterly lacking inspiration. I just wrote an awesome post, but forgot to publish it before I restarted my computer cause I just downloaded something. That is a shitty feeling. Yall are just going to have to believe that it was the bees-knees cause I'm not writing it again, it just wouldn't be as good. To pack it into a shell, whichever nut you like, let's just say that when living in the town in which I reside the pinnacle of cool is not living in a house at all. (Or an apartment, or even a car. Sorry Ricky) The summit of Mt. Hip is homelessness. (And dirty neon clothing)

BTW, new to the world of projectile word vomit internet style are my two brothers.
http://ahintofanexplanation.blogspot.com/ (Marty)
http://howtobehorrible.blogspot.com/ (Jeremy) (Sorry if I blew your anonymous cover.)

Don't spend too much time there, as you'll realize they are far smarter and more interesting than I am. Next thing I know they will be calling me on the phone like "Hey man I hung out with your friends and we had a rockin time" And I'll be sitting at home playing video games by myself and sobbing about the fact my only friends are in GTA IV. (And even they eventually stab me in the back and steal my girlfriend.)

On a valentines day note Suzye and I went rollerskating and then ate some sushi. I'll try to post the videos sometime this week. I had not been skating for years but I managed to get 3rd place in the race of my age group. Never you mind that there were 3 entries, and the guy that won had some slick speed skates while I had the rental specials that whenever you started going fast vibrated uncontrollably. Also it is noteworthy that they were the same exact model rollerblades that I used to have while in elementary school. (The original rollerblades. Except mine were blue. Waaaay cooler.) To anyone reading this: come visit me in Oly and we'll go skating. Its fun and dirt-cheap. Following the skate session we went to Sushi House, which serves up litterally the best sushi I have ever eaten. (Sajo roll for life!)

snoogins

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

la da da de da da da da, la da da de da da da da, la da da da da, la da de da la da de da da da da da!

Today may turn out to be a monumental day. At the pool we have a water fitness instructor who is nothing short of hilarious. Every time she works it's always the same, she comes out of the locker room with mini boombox in hand, plugs it into the wall, places it on a step, (the chord is not long enough to reach the plug in when the boombox is on the ground) and gets in the pool. She does all of this to accommodate her tape. (we only have a CD player) The tape in question, the same tape she brings everytime, is none other than Ultimate Dance Party 1997. In case all of you aren't familiar with said gem, here's a general track list: (I don't know the actual song names so I'll just put the main lyrics)

"Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say waayo, waayo!"
"Dancing free until the morning light... together forever..."
"Total eclypse of the heart"(late '90s techno version of course)
"Another night, another dream, I'll be with you"
"Ah hah yeah hah, wanna be my lover?"
"It's a beautiful life, oh oh oh oh"
and the classic: "I like to Move it, Move it!"

Basically it's like being in the movie "Night at the Roxberry" the whole time!

This is by no means an all inclusive list, just the ones we heard today. The reason, as stated earlier, this may be a monumental day is that it is likely the last day she will bring this tape, the reasons being
(1) The massive outcry to turn it off by the class (this happens nearly everyday)
(2) She is having gastric bypass sergery on Tuesday (shows how effective water aerobics really are) and vows to have new music before she gets back.

I cant help but admit that as much as I bitch about having these lump of shit songs stuck in my head for at least the remainder of the day I'll probably miss them when their gone.

until next time,
Randall