So I show up to the library and am confronted with a choice, sit next to the bums (which I have already posted on) and the WOW players, or sit at these little study cubicle things. I choose the latter. But each one has something on it, some books, a magazine, a pencil carrier, etc. There are like four or five of these each with something on them, no one there. So I move a book and sit down. I sit here for about 40 minutes puttering around the internet and so on, when some girl hovers in front of me, staring me down. I take off my headphones and look at her as she grabs her stuff. I apologize and she continues to stare at me with her snaggle-tooth. I finally, after an awkward time ask if she would like the spot, and she says that "It is hers". I close my laptop and start to put it away when she sits down at the same cubicle as me, (on the opposite side of the partition, facing me) and goes about her business. Ok, first of all WTF!? Does anyone really
own anything in a Fucking library? Even if you left something in the library you did own it would likely be stolen by bums in that 40 minute time frame anyway! And secondly, how did you not notice that there was an empty spot litterally inches from your snaggle-face? Bitch really got my goat.
I sort of have a favorite spot at the School Library here at SPSCC. It's one of the four little table/booth things that have access to an outlet and it's sequestered enough that no one bothers me, but I'm not possessive about it. The only time I got mad that it was occupied was when there was some burnt out stoner kid sleeping there. So I threw little bits of paper at him until he woke up and got out of MAH SPOT!
ReplyDeleteOk ok, she's a fool but don’t knock the snag-tooth (I rock a sturdy snaggle)
ReplyDeleteYou shoulda’ just let her stare you down, maybe a glance up to smile. MAYBE. I steal other peoples’ computers (or should I say the school computers people are using but get up to fuck around with homies –you snooze you lose right?), and when they come to pick up their books or bag or whatever they left behind to mark “their” territory while they gallivanted off, they’ll give me the whole “wtf-you-stole-MY-computer” stare down, maybe even inch closer to me when they realize I’m not paying any attention to their close proximity. I just bob my head (even if there isn’t any music in my ears) just to show my indifference to they’re trivial ass. They eventually go away. :)
I like to really put a capstone on experiences like that by saying something to this random inconsequential stranger, maybe something to the effect of "I like tigers...grrrrr" just so that not only did they lose their spot, they have a true moment of insanity attached to the moment in their memory, and I am not someone who will put up with the stink eye
ReplyDeleteThanks for being on my side guys. You're the greatest!
ReplyDeleteHow to play:
ReplyDeleteDear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep(9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11)
(12),
(Your name)
1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other - I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my butt
August - I think I realized it
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost -Middle-class
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - High
Annat -shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself